Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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