Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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