Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize