It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Success! We fucked roommates!
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