the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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