I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize