In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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