Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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