69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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