My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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