the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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