Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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