why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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