he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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