i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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