You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize