Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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