just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize