no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This house was built for laser tag.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Fuck me I smell like cheese
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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