trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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