my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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