so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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