dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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