Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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