He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize