Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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