I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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