He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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