the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize