so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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