I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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