HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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