i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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