You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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