I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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