Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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