glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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