I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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