you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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