1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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