Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize