so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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