So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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