I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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