Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize