I puked a lego.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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