I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize