I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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