Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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