Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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